I’m 22 & Engaged. Response to 23 Things To Do Instead of Getting Engaged Before You’re 23.

By now most people have read the 23 Things To Do Instead of Getting Engaged Before You’re 23. Now I wasn’t going to do a post on it because I don’t like to give people like the author any attention, but I thought I’d address her list briefly. I fully believe that everyone has the right to their own opinion and I respect that.But her close-mindedness is astonishing and who is she to decide what age it is appropriate for people to marry? She sounds like a immature 23 year old who has no idea what she wants to do with her life, not a likely candidate for giving marital advice. I know marrying young isn’t for everyone, but it’s a fairytale for others.

Onto her list and my response:

Please enjoy these 23 things to do instead of getting engaged before you’re 23.
1. Get a passport. I don’t have a passport. I haven’t done much traveling. But the only traveling I’ve done is with my fiance and I couldn’t think of anyone else I’d rather visit and explore new places with!
2. Find your “thing.” I’ve found my “thing” but I hope to find another “thing” and another one after that, all throughout my life.
3. Make out with a stranger. This isn’t my “thing”. I’m also not sure how making out with someone you don’t know will help your future marriage last.
4. Adopt a pet. Done. My doggie 🙂
5. Start a band. Again, not my “thing”. Although I think I had that aspiration in the 6th grade.
6. Make a cake. Make a second cake. Have your cake and eat it too. Done, done, and done. Also, if you’re a 23 year old woman and have never made a cake then maybe you aren’t ready for marriage.
7. Get a tattoo. It’s more permanent than a marriage. I’ve thought about getting a tattoo, but have decided against it. I may change my mind in the future, who knows. I mean think of all those older woman who regret the tattoo they foolishly went out and got at 18.
8. Explore a new religion. No thanks. I am a Christian, and choose not to explore another religion.
9. Start a small business. I helped my fiance start his own business. I help him out and take care of all the paperwork & office work.
10. Cut your hair. I’ve cut my hair and will continue to get it cut. I’ll change the style when I feel like it.
11. Date two people at once and see how long it takes to blow up in your face. Definitely not my “thing”. And I really don’t see how being unfaithful is a good prerequisite for marriage…
12. Build something with your hands. I’ve built many things by hand. Projects, education, relationships. It takes dedication and hardwork.
13. Accomplish a Pinterest project. Who hasn’t done something off Pinterest?
14. Join the Peace Corps. Not my “thing” again, dang! I’m a nurse, I get to help people that way.
15. Disappoint your parents. I have, everyone does. Usually long before age 23. You should probably stop trying to disappoint your parents when you’re an adult…
16. Watch GIRLS, over and over again. I don’t know what GIRLS is. I would Google it but I’m scared.
17. Eat a jar of Nutella in one sitting. I don’t like Nutella, but there are a lot of other things I could eat a whole jar of. Like homemade pickles :).
18. Make strangers feel uncomfortable in public places. This has happened before and it’ll happen again.
19. Sign up for CrossFit. I haven’t signed up for any fitness program like this. I probably should but I don’t see how this changes my ability to be a wife and Ican definitely still sign up after the age of 23!
20. Hangout naked in front of a window. Um, no thanks. Again, how does this make you ready for marriage?
21. Write your feelings down in a blog. I have a blog. Started it about 8 months ago.
22. Be selfish. Done. I’m human, it just happens.
23. Come with me to the Philippines for Chinese New Year. I would rather shovel my drive way. And it’s a loooong drive way. …because at the end of the day, I just gotta wander onwards. Wishing everyone whiskey and wanderlust during the holidays.
Yes, because I wish people whiskey during the holiday season. But again just evidence that she’s still a lost, scared little girl inside.

The author hasn’t been married, she hasn’t had a failed marriage, so how can she give advice on what to do before your engagement/marriage to prevent divorce? She even stated she’s never had a serious boyfriend, so why is she giving relationship advice at all? She makes it sound like your life ends after marriage, it will change yes but why would marriage all of a sudden hold you back? Children yes, marriage not as much. But you know as she states she’s experienced so much more than other 22 years old…because apparently she baked a cake, got a hair cut, and stood naked in front of a window – so she must know what she’s talking about. Sounds like the only inexperienced one here is her. I will however agree with this: “But WANT and NEED are two entirely different things. I NEED to develop MY dreams and MYSELF before I can truly be the type of woman you WANT to marry”. She needs much more time to mature BUT you can find yourself before age 23, you can be ready to be engaged or married by 23. I am 22 years old and recently engaged.  We’re adults, we’re college graduates, we own a house, we own our vehicles, we love each other; why not get married?

I don’t think there is anything wrong with marrying young OR waiting. How do you even define ‘marrying young’ as long as you’re both adults? Marrying at 16 or 18 would be young. If you’re 23 and marrying because you want a wedding, or to be a bride, to wear a dress, for the attention then you shouldn’t, it won’t work. But it won’t work out  at 33, or 43, or ever. That’s not what a marriage should be built on. As long as you are in a faithful, loving relationship – why wait?

“When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”


27 thoughts on “I’m 22 & Engaged. Response to 23 Things To Do Instead of Getting Engaged Before You’re 23.

  1. I had never read this list before this post, but seriously, is the author 12? I was engaged at 21 and married at 22. While our marriage is far from perfect, we are very happy. I don’t feel like I missed out on anything by marrying young, especially standing in front of a window naked or starting a band. Your replies, by the way, had me rolling with laughter!

  2. Wow… that’s quite a list?! How exactly is one supposed to be expected to start a business and be in the peace corps among all the other things? Many seem a little childish and…. weird to me, lol. I was engaged right after my 20th birthday, and we got married one month before I turned 21. The hubs was about to turn 23. Yes – we were young, much younger than most now a days. But we’ve been married for over four years and together for nine. I’m not saying we don’t have problems, and heck, who knows if it will even last, but I wouldn’t do it differently. I remember people telling me I should grow up and experience life first before I got married. I read somewhere once where someone stated that she and her husband “grew up” together. Why is that considered a bad thing? I know I’d rather go through life with company and have him by my side when I experience life 🙂

  3. Very interesting post, Brandi. My husband’s (farmer) grandfather used to shake his head and say “One half of the world doesn’t know how the other half lives.” I feel that way about this list. It’s not understandable, and maybe that’s the author’s point.

    Whatever the case, I married at 22, and yes, we were immature…as in more immature than we are now. But we were mature enough to make a good start of it, and now we are mature enough to continue on together almost a decade later. The longer we’re married, the wiser we are – and the more fun we have, too. And that satisfaction keeps us coming back to each other day after day. We like the life we started together at 22 and 26. And we like the life we choose to start together each day in our 30’s. Really has nothing to do with age and everything to do with being well matched.

  4. Love this! Her post was so condescending, it irritated me to no ends. Some people are ready to be married, others aren’t, it doesn’t matter the age. I happen to be 22 and getting married in less than two months. There are 40 year old men who are still not ready to settle down. Just because those of us who are ready are proceeding with our relationship, doesn’t mean that we’re wrong or making poor decisions. If anyone is making bad decisions, it’s the author (see #11… actually the whole list)

    • Being ready to marrying is definitely a case by case matter. Like you said some are ready young and some not til their 40s. It just depends on the individuals and not the opinion of one inexperienced girl!

  5. I had seen that article flying around, but I never took the time to read it. It turned out to be as worthless as I expected haha. A little entertaining, but I doubt many take those suggestions seriously. I agree that she makes it seems like your life ends after marriage (which is nonsense). I’m 24 and not married, but I wouldn’t go telling people not to get married before 23. As you said, how can someone give reliable advice on when to marry if they have never even neared the experience?

    • I’m sure the list was supposed to be entertaining. I don’t think anyone could take those suggestions seriously! But how she presented it was just too much.

  6. What a stupid article! I am 23 and although I am not married, have been in a committed relationship for the past 4 years and plan on getting married in the next couple of years (whenever he FINALLY asks me lol). I think the author of that article was trying to make herself feel better about not having someone she can look forward to marrying in her near future. You, I, and anyone else in a relationship or marriage at a younger age know that your life doesn’t stop or opportunities don’t cease just because you decided to share your life with someone. It can actually make all of the things you want to do and accomplish better because you get to experience them with the love of your life!

  7. I love this! I’m 20 and not even thinking about marriage. All I want is to graduate from college and get a job right now. I thought the original article was humorous and I giggled a bit, but what do I know about marriage? What do I know about your life and whether you’re ready for marriage or not? I don’t know you and I congratulate you on your engagement because it makes you, a total stranger, happy. If that’s what you want to do then do it. Who am I to judge? You’re an adult. You’re over 21. You know what you want. There’s nothing wrong with that.
    Sure we can all joke about what we want about people getting engaged “young” but it’s not our job to judge anyone on their life choices.

    • Thanks! And I agree with you. My problem with her post was the way she presented it. That she was so much more experienced than everyone else her age and how she grouped everyone together that NOBODY is ready for marriage at or before 23 years old.

  8. Interesting response…Most of my problem with her article was that she was condescending towards young married couples/women. But I feel like your response to each item on her bucket list was also in a condescending manor. Although I really like (and agree with you) that you discuss that marrying for a wedding/party, at any age, can be disastrous. Also, I like that you point out that the author of 23 Things has never had a serious boyfriend…I agree with you and I think that her “inexperience” flaws her advice on the subject of marriage.

    You pose the question “why wait?” at the end of your article. Congrats to you and your husband on having a house, graduated college, etc, but many young couples don’t find themselves finically stable enough to get married. There are a lot of factors to consider when making a huge commitment and I believe that you should be able to take care of yourself before you “join live” and promise to take care of someone else (and your future kids).

    Check out my response to “23 Things” here: http://hannahkrisheq.blogspot.com/2014/01/dont-tell-me-what-to-do.html

    • Thank you for your honest response. People keep defending her list saying it’s a personal bucket list. No where does she state this and she portrays it as prerequisites for marriage for everybody. If she would’ve stated this is 23 things I want to do before settling down nobody would have cared about the articles (in this viral manner). I wasn’t trying to be condesending in my responses but someone saying you need to stand naked in front of a window or date two people at once to have a successful marriage doesn’t sit right with me. And I do get that her post was written for entertainment purposes but her inexperience yet ability to judge and be derogatory towards all young engaged/married couples was astounding.

  9. I was engaged at 20 married at 21 and divorced 6 years later because we grew apart as we hadn’t found ourselves but as you said if you found yourself before marriage age shouldn’t matter.

  10. Girl I LOVE this!!! Your responses made me laugh lol. We are absolutely entitled to our own beliefs, but what bothers me about her post is that it is so blatantly rude to people who are engaged or married. I am not engaged nor married, but it’s absolutely NONE of my business how old people are when they get married. It doesn’t affect my life in any way, so why have an opinion about it? Especially so publicly? If you are happy, then I am happy for you. And THAT is how a good person should feel about this.

    • Thats is EXACTLY how I feel. And I wouldn’t have cared one bit and probably even laughed a little about her list if it was about her but it wasn’t. She chose to close-mindedly group all young couples together. I agree if it makes you happy go for it! 🙂

  11. Ha, yessssssssssssss. Let’s all drop everything in our lives and join the Peace Corps!

    And on our way back we will get tattoos.

    EHH. Or not.

    Welcome to the soon-to-be-married life. Doesn’t get any better than this 🙂

  12. Pingback: Farming in the Heart of the Midwest | farmNwife

  13. I love your responses to this! I feel similarly– while I’m 21 and my boyfriend will be turning 22 in a few months– we are not engaged yet. But very well might before age 23– I thought her list was plain silly. My boyfriend is my best friend and I couldn’t imagine him not being apart of my future. To each their own opinion, but when people put down those in seriously committed and growing relationships–like why? Jealousy? Regret? Why? Hopefully they’ll get their time– and they won’t pick what age it happens!

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